What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
15.06.2025 00:03
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
What did i know ?
How do I study with focus and concentration and avoid distractions and procrastination?
I was very sick at this time too.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Comes on , in middle age.
Research suggests Big Bang may have taken place inside a black hole - Hacker News
Why did i forgive my father ?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Why do so many guys love anime girls?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Put me off passion for life!!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
So, i spoilt her more .
What are the best examples of reverse psychology?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Who then, do I blame.?
I was scared of men, in general
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
What is the reason behind some people wearing trunks instead of speedos when swimming in pools?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
When she asked me how she looked .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
What are your darkest taboo confessions?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I said to her
Im still living with it.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Why are so many young teenage boys misogynistic? Where do they get these attitudes from?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I write beautiful poetry .
I could never make a relationship work though!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
One cannot live in the past .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
This is soul school!.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Especially a lifetime of it.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He knew the spot.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She loved him until the end.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And i lived it daily.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I was seconnd youngest,
I don,t even have a pension.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I waited trembling.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My life is so biszare .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She was in good health!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
We all went to grammer schools
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But, we were locked up after school.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
It was going to be , some day.
She wouldn,t have been !
We were not on the streets..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I never cut or harmed myself..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I will be 64.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
So whats the point in blame.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was 9 years of age.
But it wasn’t much.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
All the time i was locked up.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Ive learnt so much.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She married twice! .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Would this be the day?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
(And it was in our own minds.)
She found it foreign!.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
My family never makes their pension either.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I have no regrets .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I think the readers, may guess!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I couldn’t, believe it.